The other day, a friend of mine was in a situation where he communicated to an ex of his to see if there was a chance to possible reconnect and see if there was a chance they could eventually think about getting back together, and she didn’t respond.
He later learned from friends that she had, for now, seemingly moved on (she was dating someone else).
As we talked, I asked him how he was feeling, and he said not great.
My reaction? I was so happy he said that.
Why you ask? I’m glad he wasn’t putting on a facade like he was tough and he didn’t care. He’s acknowledging reality.
This was someone he loved. He thought he might marry her one day. This does suck that she didn’t respond.
So I responded with, “That makes sense, it sucks when you have for now lost someone you love, especially someone you may have seen a long-term future with.”
So many times, people try to suppress their feelings or may it seem like something’s not bothering them, even though it is.
For me, and I told him this, in my mind, in order to heal, you must first acknowledge and accept. To me, the people acknowledge and accept, heal faster.
My friend letting himself feel sad for the next 4–6 months obviously stinks, but after that time period, I think he’ll be in a lot better position to be healed and move forward from the situation.
In contrast, I think if he didn’t accept his feelings, it might linger on for 6–8 months, and he might not actually ever really move on from the situation truly.
There are many other situations where I think the following is true in terms of healing:
Going through a breakup, arguing with a parent, applying to a lot of jobs and not receiving any positive feedback.
I think my main point in writing all this is to understand that low times/seasons in your life are okay. That’s normal. That’s human.
Though people don’t talk about it as much, everyone goes through them.
Further, I want to issue a challenge to you all — be honest with your feelings.
When your friends ask you, how are you? Answer honestly. Don’t just say, “I’m good. How are you?”
I think, not being truthful, in part, has been a part of our problem in society with so many people dealing with mental health issues and ultimately in some part in committing suicide.
As a society, because we don’t feel feel comfortable telling others that we are struggling and we haven’t normalized that being okay to say, people don’t let others know that they aren’t doing great.
As a result, they struggle alone, the burden of facing their tough time alone becomes a lot, and they unfortunately many decide to end the burden through suicide.
Obviously, that doesn’t represent all suicides, but I think some suicides fit into that category.
I think, by being truthful, and normalizing saying you’re not okay, hopefully, as a society we can be more open and honest with our feelings, and not struggle alone.