How to deal with survivor’s guilt of a friend/loved one’s suicide from the perspective of someone who almost committed suicide
- Survivor’s guilt is normal
As a friend, you take on a certain amount of responsibility in both the good times and bad times.
You’ll wish you could’ve been there in that capacity as a friend.
2. Realize suicide often has nothing to do with friends
The reason a person commits suicide is usually because there is a much deeper internal pain.
One thing friends should realize is that they often keep the person alive and keep going for as long as they do, they are the reason that they believe in the beauty of life and they represent the good times of the person’s life.
Even if you feel like there was some tension in your relationship, I wouldn’t feel guilty about that. That’s not the reason they committed suicide in most cases.
3. Anxiety and depression builds over time
For me, anxiety and depression is something I have dealt with since I was 13.
4. Realize the coping mechanisms weren’t taught to them
For example, their anxiety goes to absolutes.
If they’re single for a while, they then internalize that into feeling lonely and then taking the next step of they’ll never get married or they’ll ever be a strong enough person to be a husband, which means there’s really no point in me living life.
Normal person:
If they’re single → I’m still young → I’m doing whatever is in my power to remediate the situation in terms of putting myself out there on dating apps and joined softball team.
The difference in people with better mental health vs. people with worse mental health: approach situations in terms of problem solving instead of letting it get to your self-esteem.
5. Takes one bad night
If anxiety can get bad one night and extremely overwhelming where a person makes a decision to want to end the pain.
There are many nights before July 2019 that I was sleepless.
It’s a battle to want to live.
It’s not fun not being able to go to bed at peace or happy with your life.
6. As a friend, your capacity is I will always be there for you in any capacity you need. That’s the extend of your job.
Unfortunately, for mental health, it requires self-awareness of the individual. Only the individual knows how bad their mental health is.
7. The person doesn’t want to cause you pain or sadness
Keep their spirit with you in a positive manner.
Let your friend’s death fuel you to open up to your friends, talk about your feelings, go to therapy.